I Need My Coffee.

You heard me. I’m a time retard. I have issues with time. I procrastinate like there’s always tomorrow. I’m late to almost everything by no less than 15 minutes, when I say “This assignment will take me 30 minutes” I really mean about 3 hours. It takes me forever to get ready to go outside somewhere, even if it’s just 5 minutes away. And the words “punctual” and “time management” make me ROFLOLMAOMFGWTFSTFUBBQ.

I think procrastination is going to end up shortening my life span. Actually, I think it already has. I may only have a few years, even months left to live. Then again, I can just procrastinate dying. I have more important things anyways. Like watching Everybody Hates Chris. lmao.

Speaking of which, I was going to write about why Everybody Hates Chris is God split up into three seasons of 22 episodes each….but I can do that later.

• Two words: Ivy. League.
• Two other words: Straight A’s.
• In your parent’s eyes, an A- = F.
• In your parent’s eyes, failing a test = finding a new place to live.
• You’ve been obsessed with anime at one point in your life.
• You have no problem with shoving fresh seafood down your throat that was alive and squirming moments before.
• Your mom has an extensive stash of mysterious and slightly suspicious Korean/Chinese herbal “medicine” that creates this moldy, musky smell whenever you open the cabinet.
• Your mom is convinced that this vile concoction of plant roots, squashed minerals, and god-knows-what-else is really all you need to stay healthy.
• Your mom forces you to drink strange yogurty-milk hooey filled with artificial hormones and strange vitamins you’ve never heard of.
• You enjoy sucking on vitamin C tablets.
• You do certain exercises everyday in hopes of growing taller.
• When you’re in a Korean downtown area, you see five plastic surgery clinics in a row whilst walking down the street and don’t even notice.
• You tend to use Korean swear words and English swear words within the same sentence.
• You (or friends you know) have skin whiter than the white people.
• Sleeping at 3 AM on a school night is nothing to you.
• You wish you were gangster.
• You don’t really associate New Years Day as a family day.
• Actually, you do, but it’s because your family members give you money.
• Screw Soulja Boy, you know the ENTIRE “Tell Me” dance without missing a beat.
• Hell, you probably can dance it better than the singers themselves.
• You wish had double eyelids and are considering getting double eyelid surgery when you’re older.
• You tend to clap your hands, hit your thighs, or hit the person sitting next to you whilst laughing your @$$ off.
• You watch cheesy Korean dramas and cry, but walk past homeless men with missing limbs on the street without blinking.
• You’re embarrassed when you walk into any lingerie store on the street.
• You don’t think pretty boys are gay.

• You’re Korean and  relate to almost everything on this list!

by me.

Next post preview: Why I love Everybody Hates Chris.

I never know how to start off the first post of a blog. It’s kind of like trying to start a conversation with someone you don’t know very well. You know, you’re just standing there, probably flipping through your cellphone (hoping in vain that someone would call you right then) in that uncomfortable situation where you need to talk to the person next to you. You can practically feel the awkward turtles flying by your head.

Person A: So…um, where did you used to live in America?

Person B: I never lived in America before.

Person A: Oh.

Person A aimlessly flips through cellphone acting like they have an important text message to answer, then walks away to fake a call.

Sometimes if you’re lucky you’ll get a very bright and open person who was just waiting for someone to speak first and they’ll talk right away. But more often than not you’ll always run into those who I like to call “conversational serial killers.”

Person A: Do you like rap?

Person B: No. (Conversation dies.)

Person A: Oh, do you like rock? (Attempted CPR upon dead conversation.)

Person B: No. (CPR attempt fails.)

Person A: -shifts feet- Pop music? (Last ditch effort to revive dialog.)

Person B: Hate it. (Conversation gets thrown into fiery pits of hell.)

Now I try not to take it too personally. Maybe they’re just in a bad mood or something. Perhaps they’re best friend just died, or they had family issues in the past that traumatized them so harshly they can never trust another human being again.

……But I bet they’re just @$$holes.
-JANE-